Why is My Computer Suddenly So Slow? Do I Have a Virus? (part 1 of 3)
by Andy Trask

We all know what it's like to start up the computer in the morning and wait and wait annnnnnnd wait for it to finally finish booting so we can get on with work, fun, or online life. But what happens when it finally finishes booting and is still slow as molasses? You know what I'm talking about right? You click the icon to start up Word or Explorer and suddenly your hard disk is crunching like a bowl of Rice Krispies while your new best friend, Mr. Rotating Hourglass, casually suggests you take this time to go out for a cup of coffee. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then congratulations, the supreme Geek has smiled on you, but for most of us, the onset of an inexplicable computer slowdown is a frustrating reality that demands a solution if sanity is to be maintained.

So what could cause a computer slowdown, and what can be done to recover or better yet, prevent it? I'll break the discussion down into the three issues that in my experience are the most common- viruses, memory, and children. And then, for editorial reasons, I'll focus on Viruses in this issue because there simply isn't room to cover all three topics in one column (Psssst! So check out the next issue to find out how memory and children can slow down your computer!)

When it comes to viruses, most people living within earshot of civilization are aware of what I call the BNVs (or "Big Name Viruses"). BNVs generally make national headlines and are often gauged by the financial damage they cause to major corporations. You know, those straight-out-of-a-spy-novel names like "Melissa", "I love you", "Code Red", "Sircam", and "Nimda." What many people don't realize however is that there are approximately 200 new viruses introduced every month of which roughly 10% find their way into broad public exposure (or as virus professionals say "in the wild").

As interesting as these figures are, they hardly begin to explain why your computer is crawling along like somebody poured oatmeal into your hard drive. Consider however, that one of those several thousand viruses, worms, or Trojans that hasn't made the headlines could be causing your computer to freeze up, suddenly crunching endlessly, sending Mr. Hourglass out for marathon jaunts on your screen. Or just generally slowing your system to a crawl when all you wanted to do was pick up your email, or maybe look up a good rum cake recipe online.

But wait! You say you have Norton or Mcafee Antivirus or some other virus scanner, shouldn't that protect you from infection? Perhaps, but then perhaps not. To understand this rather disconcerting statement, let's take a minute to examine how virus scanners work. First, to state the obvious, your virus scanner must be installed in order to protect your computer (don't laugh, procrastination is a very powerful and potentially damaging thing!). Assuming you aren't a procrastinator, the other key issue you need to understand is the relationship between virus scanning software and new viruses. In order to find those thousands of viruses, your scanner uses a dated list of virus profiles called a library or DAT file. This file contains the information your scanner needs for detecting and cleaning known viruses from your system. Unfortunately, with the daily and even hourly onslaught of new viruses being introduced, the only way your virus scanner can keep up is to constantly receive updated library files with profiles of the newest viruses. So to keep "the latest" viruses from infecting your computer, your virus scanner must always be updated with "the latest" library files (does anyone besides me see a compelling reason for a full-time high speed Internet connection like Cable or DSL?)

The good news is that most of the major commercial virus scanners include tools for performing updates quickly and painlessly over the Internet. Despite this convenience however, It's still up to you to initiate the updates or set up a schedule of regular automated updates in the first place. Consider this a small price to pay however for keeping your computer, and your sanity, intact!

Andy Trask is the Head Geek at Geek Housecalls (on the web at www.geekhousecalls.com). Based in Lexington Mass, Geek Housecalls provides computer hardware and software troubleshooting, networking, installations, upgrades, and general assistance to residential and small business computer users in Boston and the surrounding North, South, and Western suburbs as well as Rhode Island and southern New Hampshire. If you have a question or topic you'd like to see addressed by The Geeks, please send email to: agtm@geekhousecalls.com

If you're interested in reprinting this or other articles from this series on a website or in a printed publication please contact Andy Trask at andy@geekhousecalls.com for information about our liberal sharing policy!

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